Top 5 E3 Expectations

E3 season is creeping closer and along with the expectant thrill of what could be revealed mixes a certain nostalgic sureness of what viewers will probably see at the average E3 conference. Here is my list of the Top 5 things I fully expect to see  bit of at E3:

5. The Next Predictable Sports Title

I'm obviously not a big fan of sports games (excluding the perfection that is Wii Sports), so the annual Trot-Out-New-Annual-Sports-Game presentations are usually pretty boring for me. It's a new year, they need a new game; it's expected. A few times there have been some interesting turns, such as a story mode with real fleshed-out characters in a FIFA game. Other times there are just strange presentations with announcers who seem to barely know anything about video games at all.

4. Cute/Edgy Marketing Team Fail

Remember Yarny? One memorable E3, a very shy game designer presented his physics-based game Unravel while clutching a strange little yarn doll he named Yarny. His delivery was shaky and real (surely feeling the world-wide attention directed at him), inspiring the internet to explode over love for him and his quirky, adorable doll. People made their own Yarny dolls, bought the game, and generally enjoyed being part of something.

Yeah, that doesn't always happen.

For all of the sweet/quirky moments E3 can bring, there are a dozen more missteps of people trying to capture that magic. I fully expect to see some really weird presentations, strange characters, buzzy announcers with fake accents, and whatever other attention-grabbing tactic thought up by a marketing team to enchant the internet.

3. Fake Co-Op Dialogue

Let's re-create the feel of playing a co-op game with friends! But with a script! And crisp voice-acting that never could have been transmitted with a fuzzy headset over Xbox Live!

Scripted fake co-op dialogue over gameplay results in a stilted, artificial feel. People don't speak in energetic, complete sentences when they are playing a fast-paced shooter. Real people mumble, cut themselves off, and interrupt each other. Hopefully one day these types of presentations will be retired. Or, maybe, they'll just let two real people do real co-op dialogue over the real game they are really playing together.

2. Uneccessary Re-Boot with Higher Resolution

Remember that game you loved when you were twelve? It's back, and in better definition! Please buy it again. Please. (Please, this was a really good IP once and we think it's a good nostalgia-grab).

1. Ubisoft/Memery Cringe

Oh, Ubisoft. The Ubisoft conference is a hallmark of the E3 season. Want to watch weird Mortal Kombat-looking characters dance on a neon stage to advertise the next Just Dance installment? Want to watch a presenter try to make a random person in cosplay into a meme? Want to just feel uncomfortable for up to ten minutes at a time? That's what I come to expect from Ubisoft's yearly presentations. Last year was a bit mellow for them, but I'll keep this at the top of my list for steady E3 expectations.